| Location | Leigh, Wigan |
| Age | 0 |
| Cause of Death | Natural Causes |
| Date of Birth | 14/11/2008 |
| Date of Death | 14/11/2008 |
| Visitors | 4,485 since 04/01/2009 |
| Creator |
Phoebe, my precious gift, I miss you so very much.
I found out I was pregnant in may 2008 and then discovered I had diabetes, we knew nothing of what
this meant in relation to Phoebe and our pregnancy.
At our 20 week scan we discovered we were having a girl, we were also asked to come back for another
scan as they thought they could see some fluid on her lungs. The following week we went for another
scan and they said they couldn't see the lungs clearly and wanted us to go to see the St Mary's
(Manchester) lung and heart specialist's a few days later.
When we went to see the specialist they told us Phoebe's heart was perfect and then we saw the lung
specialist, he was a lovely man named Dr Chan.
He told us he had some concerns about the lung growth and this could be caused by a couple of
things.
He drew a diagram for us and told us a little about C.D.H (congenital diaphragmatic hernia). He also
mentioned Edwards Syndrome or Trisomy 18 as it is also known. He wasn't happy with the scans either
so the following week we were sent to sheffield for an MRI scan. The CDH was confirmed and they also
told us it was the rarer of the 2 as it was a right handed CDH, Phoebe's stomach, most of her liver
and quite a bit of intestine had worked its way into her chest cavity and was restricting her lung
growth. Our baby had less then a 50% chance of surviving. That was if she made it to birth and
managed to stabilise enough for an operation. We were offered a termination.
Phoebe was a long awaited gift, 9 yrs we had waited. there was no decision to make, as our baby was
growing inside me she was in no pain and we prayed she would prove everyone wrong. We believe she
was sent for a reason and that if this was the only 'life' our baby was to have (inside mummy) then
it was up to her when she had had enough, not a doctor.
Due to the CDH Phoebe was not able to swallow inside me and I was carrying double the amount of
water to a normal pregnancy, I became huge very very quickly...it was very painful.
We prayed that Phoebe would survive past 24 weeks so that if she did come early the doctors would at
least try to help her, then we prayed that she got past 28 weeks so that she wasnt 'see through' so
to speak and had a little weight on her (knowing our other children would want to meet her we wanted
it to be as easy as possible for them to do so).
When we had received the CDH diagnosis we trawled the net hoping to find some .. help? positivity?
guidance.
Instead we thought logically, the diagnosis was bad and we were told to prepare for the worst, we
went out and bought our angel a beautiful silk dress (knowing that when it came to it if the worst
did happen we would not be able to go out shopping and we just wouldn't be in the right frame of
mind to find the right thing). We prayed she would have to wear it for her christening but we knew
what it was really for. We also found 2 beautiful songs that were prefect for her and what she meant
to us, - "Visitor from heaven" & "Cradle of wings".
At 30 weeks I began to feel as if i was constipated and I had a water infection, we went off to the
hospital to be checked out on the 12th nov @31+5 as the pain had become so intense we thought I was
going into prem labour.
After a 'sweep' and an hour on the monitor we were sent home and told if it was so intense again to
go straight to St Mary's as our baby wouldn't survive if born at another hospital and she would need
to be transferred straight there and she probably would not survive the journey.
On friday 14th nov @4.30am I woke with severe pains.
I convinced myself it was just the water infection etc and by 830 I was in a hot bath trying to get
rid of the pain. By 10.15 the pains were every 4 mins and I was getting into the ambulance.
We arrived at the hospital at 11.10am.
Phoebe was born at 11;22am daddy delivered her as the midwives were simply not ready.
He placed her on my tummy and she reached out and held onto his finger, the midwives cut the cord
and she never breathed again.
12 doctors, specialist and registrars worked on Phoebe until 12oclock when they told us it was not
in her interest to carry on.
The stork came at 11;22 the angels came at noon.
We had discussed that if this situation arised that we wanted to take phoebe home the night before
the funeral to wash her and clothe her ourselves.
Daddy went to ring nanna, grandad and our children to come to the hospital, and when the nurses
asked us what we would like to do we simply said we wanted to take our baby home.
I never knew it was even an option we just answered from our hearts. They were a little shocked but
took us to see the mortician who told us that it was possible as long as we followed a few
guidelines.
At 8pm on 14th Nov we brought our Phoebe home.
We spent the whole weekend with her, everyone that wanted to come did so and met us all at home
surrounded by the things we had bought for her.
Our children bathed and cuddled their little sister, and we have over 400 photos of her and so many
memories that we simply should not have.
The mortician - Liz - told us that although it is possible to take your baby home in this situation,
the midwives see it as taboo and would never offer this as an option to grieving parents. Because we
had had the chance to talk and discuss these things in a fairly clear mind we had this opportunity
because we knew how each other felt regarding the situation. Liz rang us on the Saturday evening to
see how things were and told us that "in all her years doing her job she had never known a family to
take their baby home, but for the next 10 years hat she has left in her job she would be quoting
what we have done and that the midwives would also now do the same knowing that it was now
possible", Liz said that our precious angel "Phoebe has changed lives for other grieving families".
Within hours of being home and us following liz's advice you swelling went away, and you got your
lovely pink baby colour ~ you are so beautiful, simply perfect in every way.
Phoebe we always knew you were special, mummy misses you with every bone in her body, and its true
that when a heart breaks it doesnt break even. I feel like I'm in a thousand pieces, I love you so
much sweety, I was in shock when you were born I never told you while you were alive that I loved
you, you never opened your eyes - that hurts so much that I never looked into your eyes and told
you that I loved you.
Daddy said that you were never even tempted to take a peek and you had done what you had come to
do.
You brought me and daddy closer together, and have just found out that the undiagnosed diabetes i
had (approx 2 1/2yrs from backgroung bloods) has gone.
You put us back together and saved my life.
love forever
your heart broken mummy & daddy
Some people only believe in angels, we all held one in our arms
I've loved my child right from the start
A feeling that’s filled my entire heart
I went through the labour and suffered the pain
For many long hours with nothing to gain
I've spent sleepless nights being awake
Though it's been a while my arms they still ache
I've sat and I've wondered of how she would grow
The love of my family that she'd come to know
The sound of her voice as she learns to talk
Watching her steps as she tries to walk
I have a child that I really love so
I am her mother yet nobody knows
I spent all those months feeling her grow
I've lived through it all and have nothing to show
I don't get invited to chat with young mothers
Because I don't have a baby like all of the others
I've go some stretch marks that I'd like to hide
But I don't have a pram with a baby inside
The people I’ve known for so many years
They now avoid me, which adds to my tears
I don't know how long I'll be feeling like this
But one thing I know my baby I miss
When Mothers Day comes it will be very hard
I won't have any flowers, not even a card
And just because she's not here with me
I still have a daughter I wish I could see
But one thing I know and this is for sure
I'll be her mother for evermore
IF ONLY I COULD WIPE AWAY EACH TEAR YOU ALL HAVE CRIED,
AND TAKE AWAY THE HEARTACHE THAT EATS YOU UP INSIDE.
IF ONLY I COULD TELL YOU THAT THE PAIN WILL FADE AWAY,
IF ONLY I COULD TELL YOU WHY YOUR ANGEL HAD TO DIE,
IF ONLY I HAD ALL THE ANSWERS TO WHY THEY SAID GOOD-BYE.
IF ONLY I COULD HOLD YOU CLOSE AND TELL YOU TO CRY NO MORE,
IF ONLY I COULD DO IT,I'D BRING THEM BACK FOREVERMORE.
WE ALL KNOW THE" IF ONLYS" NEVER CAN COME TRUE,
BUT IF THEY COULD I'D DO IT ALL ,TO COMFORT ALL OF YOU
I CANNOT PROMISE YOU SOMETHING THAT I JUST CAN'T DO,
I KNOW NOT ALL THE ANSWERS OR I'D GIVE THEM ALL TO YOU.
I CAN MAKE YOU ONE PROMISE THAT WILL NEVER FADE AWAY,
I'LL BE YOUR FRIEND AND PRAY FOR YOU EACH AND EVERY DAY!
I'LL BE HERE RIGHT BESIDE YOU UNTIL THE VERY END,
I'LL DO ANYTHING I CAN FOR YOU, MY TRUEST, DEAREST FRIEND!
I WON'T PROMISE YOU THAT TEARS WON'T COME OR THAT THE PAIN WILL EVER CEASE,
I WILL MAKE YOU THIS PROMISE...GOD WILL BRING YOU PEACE!
SO WHEN YOU'RE SAD AND LONELY AND FEEL YOU CAN'T GO ON,
REMEMBER THEY'RE INSIDE YOUR HEART, ALTHOUGH GOD
CALLED THEM HOME.
LITTLE ANGELS
When God calls little children
To dwell with Him above,
We mortals sometimes question
The wisdom of His love.
For no heartache compares
With the death of one small child
Who does so much to make our world
Seem wonderful and mild.
Perhaps God tires of calling
The aged to His fold.
So He picks a rosebud
Before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them
And so He takes but few
To make the land of heaven
More beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult,
Still somehow we must try.
The saddest word that mankind knows
Will always be 'goodbye'.
So when a little child departs,
We who are left behind
Must realise God loves children
Angels are hard to find.
If roses grow in heaven,
Lord Please pick one for me.
Place it in my Loved ones hand
And tell them it's from me.
Tell them that I love them
And when they turn to smile,
Place a kiss upon their cheek
And hold them for a while.
Remembering them is easy,
I do it every day.
But there's an ache within my heart
That will never go away.
I looked towards the clouds today
And for a moment saw your face.
I wondered just where you have gone
With hope it's a better place.
Did you show yourself to me today,
To tell me you're all right?
Or was it just a daydream
Playing tricks upon my sight?
We will always feel the void inside
Because you are not here.
But each new thought you send our way
Lets us know you're near.
So until our journey nears its end
And we hear the angels sing,
We'll face each new day as it comes
And live off the love you bring.
If tears could build a stairway,
And memories were a lane,
We would walk right up to heaven
And bring you back again.
Our hearts still ache in sadness
And secret tears still flow.
What it meant to lose you
No one can ever know.
But now we know you want us
To mourn for you no more.
To remember all the happy times,
Life still has much in store.
Since you'll never be forgotten,
We pledge to you today:
A hallowed place within our hearts
Is where you'll always stay.
ANGEL CASTLE IN THE SKY
Way up in heavens garden
There's a magical castle in the sky
Where god places our little angels,
And teaches them to fly
The girls become sweet princesses,
And dance the day away
The boys are charming prince's
In this wondrous land of play
The castle is made of lollipops
And of all things that are sweet
There's a river made of angels tears,
For them to dip their tiny feet,
The angel tears are not tears of sadness.
They are tears of joy
To see such sights is happiness
For the chosen Angel girl or boy
For as you know, not all angels
Are picked to grace this castle in the sky
Only the tiny cherub prince's and princesses,
And here's the reason why
God has a place for all he takes
And puts them where they he deems
The little cherubs need a world of play
A land filled full of dreams
A place where they can play all day
And slide down rainbows so bright
swing from the stars if they desire
Then light the star lamps up at night
Its now they huddle close together
And some may take a snooze
Only if they wish to
Its up to them to choose
The ones that are not asleep
Are sending down their love
To you, direct from moon beams
They guide from up above
So be happy for your special cherub
From the soft clouds they will never fall
For anything good that they may wish for
Comes true here, anything at all
Its in the castle they will stay
with angels of their kind
until its their turn to open the castle gate
and its their mummy that they find
The only thing that they must do then
whilst waving goodbye to angel friends
Is walk to paradise with mummy
Just beyond the rainbows end
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An angel in the book of life
Wrote down our baby’s birth
She whispered as she closed the book
"Too beautiful for earth."
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You were a gift sent straight from Heaven.
Given to us from God above.
We didn't know how much you would teach us
About the meaning of true love...
For true love sometimes means letting go
Of someone precious and dear.
That is what we were forced to do...
Although we wanted to keep you here!!!
However, this is quite a selfish wish.
One we know we should ignore...
But, sweet loved one, we truly do believe
That God must have needed you more...
Perhaps to be an Angel now,
Full of wisdom and love...
Watching over those of us who love you
From the shining stars above.
We miss you more than you can know.
You will never be replaced...
In our hearts and memories forever,
Will be your sweet and innocent sleeping face.
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If Heaven Had A Phone
I cannot dial your number,
I can't get through to you,
I called the operator,
She did all that she could do.
There is no code for heaven,
I cannot place the call,
No numbers left to call,
I reckon I've tried them all.
If heaven had a phone,
I'd ring you every day,
If heaven had a phone,
There's things I want to say.
To tell you that I love you,
And miss you every day,
How much I prayed to god,
That he could let you stay.
If heaven had a phone,
I'd ring you every day,
If heaven had a phone,
I'd hear your voice, know you're okay,
I just want to speak to heaven,
Please do you have a direct line,
Operator says no number,
But your loved one is doing fine.
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God looked around his garden
And found an empty place
He then looked down upon this earth
And saw your tired face
He put his arms around you
And lifted you to rest
God’s garden must be beautiful
He always takes the best
He knew that you were suffering
He knew you were in pain
He knew that you would never
Get well on earth again
He saw that the road was getting rough
And the hills are hard to climb
So he closed your weary eyelids
And whispered, “Peace be thine”
It broke our hearts to lose you
But you didn’t go alone
For part of us went with you
The day God called you home
★ ★ GOODNIGHT AND GOD BLESS ★ ★
EVERY DAY AND EVERY NIGHT
WHEN YOU FEEL THE NEED
TO HOLD ME TIGHT,
JUST BLOW A KISS INTO THE SKY
FOR I WILL BE THAT CLOSE BY.
IN THE HEAVENS THROUGHOUT
THE DAY,
I WATCH OVER YOU AND HEAR
YOU PRAY.
I SEE YOU SMILE AND SHED A TEAR
FOR YOU KNOW THAT I'M STILL NEAR,
I'M THE *ANGEL OF YOUR EYE*
YOUR *ANGEL IN THE SKY*.
┊ ┊┊ ┊┊ ★★ ★
┊ ┊┊ ┊★
┊ ┊┊
┊ ┊┊ ★★
┊ ┊★
┊ ★
My mom she tells alot of lies
she never did before
but from now until she dies
she'll tell a whole lot more
Ask my mom how she is
and because she cant explain
she will tell a little lie
because she cant describe the pain
Ask my mom how she is
she'll say im alright
if thats the truth,than tell me
why does she cry each night
Ask my mom how she is
im fine im well im coping
for god sake mum just tell the truth
just say your heart is broken
she'll love me all her life
i loved her all mine
but if you ask her how she is
she'll lie again and say she's fine
iam here in heaven
i cannot hug from here
if she's lie to you dont listen
hug her and hold her near
on the day we meet again
we'll smile and l'll be bold
l'll say your lucky to get in here mom
with all those lies you told.
PHOEBE MAY, TAKE MY PAIN AWAY !
PHOEBE DARLING YOU WERE TAKEN TOO SOON
I SEND YOU MY LOVE FROM HERE TO THE MOON
IT'S NEAR THERE YOU PLAY, LAUGH AND SMILE
I WISH YOU WERE BACK WITH US, IF ONLY FOR A WHILE
I WOULD TELL YOU THE THINGS I WANTED TO SAY
I NEVER GOT CHANCE TO, ALL I CAN DO IS PRAY
I NEVER HEARD YOU LAUGH, I NEVER HEARD YOU CRY
I NEVER EVEN HAD A PROPER GOODBYE
I ONLY HAD AN HOUR OR 2 WITH YOU BABY GIRL
THEN I HAD TO LEAVE YOU, MY HEAD IN A WHIRL
I REFUSED TO LISTEN WHEN THEY SAID YOU WERE ILL
JUST THINKING OF YOU POORLY GAVE ME A CHILL
I SPOKE TO YOU IN YOUR MUMS TUMMY BEFORE YOU WERE BORN
I TOLD THEM YOU'D FIGHT THIS AND BY THIS I SWORN
IT BROKE MY HEART THE DAY I FOUND OUT
YOUR IN MY HEART FOREVER, YOUR ALL I THINK ABOUT
I WILL LOVE YOU MORE AND MORE EACH DAY
AND THAT'S THE WAY MY LIFE WILL STAY
I MISS YOU MORE THAN I COULD EVER EXPRESS
I LOST A PRECIOUS NIECE WHO WAS SIMPLY THE BEST !
you are my missing link
We little knew that day,
God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death, we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you.
You did not go alone.
For part of us went with you,
The day God called you home.
You left us beautiful memories,
Your love is still our guide.
And although we cannot see you,
You are always at our side.
Our family chain is broken,
And nothing seems the same,
But as God calls us one by one,
The chain will link again.
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There have been 1330 candles lit for Phoebe.
